Christopher Sturz

So, It's been awhile since I last posted, but I promise I'll post more regularly. I don't know how many of you still read this, but if you do, drop me a comment. Anyways, let's get started, shall we?

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First, we have a love story out of New Delhi, India. Let's start off with a terrible pun, and call it "puppy love."

Basically, this guy had been suffering from numerous ailments (numerous physical ailments. I don't need to say he had a number of mental ones) after killing two dogs that were mating by hanging them from a tree. So, a local astrologer told him he could atone for this sin by marrying a female dog.

Apparently, his new wife is into "human-style".
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Next, we have a story that only the internet could bring.

Apparently, there's a new drug out there called "Jenkem", and, to put it delicately, it's huffing human waste.

Now, I don't know if this is real or not, but seriously, FOX News, nothing better today? Did you even check your sources? I can't even believe to think that this is even remotely true. I can't believe our peers are this screwed up that they would be breathing in human waste.

Movin' on.
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The last story of the day, and possibly my most favorite (in a weird sort of way) story is that of Dede, just a normal Indonesian fisherman. If you can get past the fact that he has roots growing out of his hands.

It seems Mr. Dede has an immune deficiency that causes these welts that look like tree bark, and ,well, I think you can read it yourself. He seems like an interesting guy, and I certainly wouldn't mind meeting him and have him branch out his life story for me. Ah, well.

My thoughts and prayers go out to him as he finds a way to get this disease to leaf him alone.
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As I said, I'll try to keep more up to date with this. I'll try. No promises, though.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: The Underdog by Spoon

Well, children, it's that time of year again. It is Labor Day, the time of the year where the working man (and woman!) is recognized with a day of rest and relaxation. But it wasn't always this way! No, it took a brave little animal to instill this praise for the workers of America in the hearts of people everywhere.

What? You...you don't know what I'm talking about? Why, I'm talking about the Labor Day Platypus, silly!

...You mean you HAVEN'T heard of the Labor Day Platypus?! Oh my... This must be solved. NOW. Pull up a chair, grab a lemonade, and enjoy the tale of the Labor Day Platypus...





Once upon a time, Americans everywhere worked relentless hours. Day and night, they would cater to the consumer without so much as a "Thank you kindly!". They suffered from being unappreciated, and their work showed it.

One day, a postcard from a Mrs. Janet Milarosa to her cousin in Australia accidentally flew out of the mail bag and landed near a river bank in the Outback.

Around this time, the soon-to-be Labor Day Platypus was crawling from his den, looking forward to another day of fun in the sun! As he crawled out, however, he was pelted by a piece of rogue card stock. As he read the letter from Mrs. Milarosa, his heart grew heavy.

The letter described horrible conditions inside of an IHOP where Mrs. Milarosa worked 46,000 hours a week. She had to spoon feed customers their pancakes and wipe off tables with her long, strawberry hair. The Platypus was sickened by this.

He decided to take action. He bought a Red-Eye non-stop ticket to America. He was determined to help.

As he got to America in search of Mrs. Milarosa, he noticed that there were others who worked in even worse conditions than Mrs. Milarosa did. There were senior citizens carrying over-weight toddlers on their backs from fast-food restaurant to fast-food restaurant.

He suddenly focused all of his anger into one bright orb. He yelled "ENOUGH!" and the orb separated and struck every person in the vicinity squarely in the chest. Immediately, everyone stopped. The obese children got off the backs of their pained grandparents, the teenagers stopped throwing plastic wrap at mail-carriers, and even PETA protesters stopped pummeling KFC workers into a pulp.

All the people looked at one another, and instantly hugged everyone. They said "Thank you" to the laboring peoples of America, and even created OSHA to stop people from treating workers badly.

The Platypus now knew his purpose. He knew he must travel tirelessly across America, instilling gratitude for the workers of the USA, and punishing those who would make their employees work on a day that's supposed to be for them.

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Well, there ya have it. Be thankful for those who break their backs hauling stuff to places every day just so that YOU can live an easy and mostly comfortable life.

And keep an eye out this Labor Day, for you may just spot the beaver-tailed creature called the Labor Day Platypus waddling along the side of the road. Don't touch, though. Platypuses can actually kill you if you touch them in the wrong place. Poisonous barbs aren't pretty.

Current Location: In My Room
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: ROCKIN' OUT!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is officially here! The first ever Spicy Lemons comic! WOO!

Illustrated by the lovely and talented love of my life, Agatha Reitz, and written by yours truly, we hope that this shall be the most amazing webcomic ever! So...enjoy!

Current Location: Mom's Laptop 'Cuz Mine Is Still Broken
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Wake Up by The Arcade Fire

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, a time to celebrate our independence from the British king (or, as the colonists affectionately referred to him: "That tea-and-stamp taxing mother-f***ing bastard)in 1776. Our Founding Fathers faced horrible consequences if they failed.

Every one of them was about to commit treason, and they could have been killed in several violent ways, one of which was drawing and quartering (look it up on wikipedia if you'd like to find out more about that).

But onward they went with it, and we have by far the greatest country on earth.

We have nearly uncensored press (I say "nearly" because if it was completely uncensored, douchebags like Geraldo Rivera would be running around spewing out troop locations. We don't need more douchebags like Geraldo Rivera. Douchebag.)

We have freedom of speech (unless you want to yell "FIRE" in a crowded theater. But really, would you want to be that much of a dumbass? If you were to do that, I hope you get trampled.)

We have freedom of religion and beliefs (even scams, in the case of Scientology. What? Yeah, I said it. What you gonna do? Call Tom Cruise?)

We have the freedom to assemble PEACEFULLY (I'm talking to you, Rioters and Anarchists Anonymous!).

We have the freedom to write to our congressmen (or congresswoman) if we have an issue with what they're doing. They'll in turn use their freedom of handing it to a congressional page to write a "We're working on it!" letter.

They risked life, limb, and organs to give us, their ancestors, a better life. They gave us the opportunity to shape our country into what we wanted it to be.

So, for those of you who think this country is horrible and that you should move to Canada because it's better than this hell-hole, I have this to say to you:

Screw you.

Current Location: At My Mom's Computer (Mine Is Broken)
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: None, but in my mind I'm playing patriotic music!

Well, as many of you know, I am what most would call a gamer. I do enjoy playing video games, and am not ashamed to say it. I would also call myself a responsible individual, and being such I am able to differentiate between real life and fantasy.

However, there are those out there that cannot make that difference. The release of the game Manhunt II is coming very soon. In this game, the whole point is to kill people.

I am not a violent person. I do not condone violent video games that do not have a point to them. I do not, however, feel that these games should not exist. I feel that people should have the right to play whichever game they want, no matter how stupid or violent it is, just like how anyone can choose to see Hostel if they want.

This is why we have ratings system. The MPAA and the ESRB have put ratings in place to keep violent games and movies out of the hands of children. So, how is it that children under 17 can still get a hold of these games and movies?

Simple: The parents buy them for the kids.

I don't know how many idiot parents out there give in to their 12-year old kid who is absolutely begging for this game, but apparently there are thousands that do. Not only are they so stupid that they can't understand the ratings and what they mean, but apparently they're so detached that they don't even raise an eyebrow to the name MANHUNT. What do they think it's about? I can't even fathom.

So, here's a message to adults: Before trying to pin society's problems on your kids, why not take a look in the mirror. YOU'RE the ones that bought the game. YOU'RE the ones who aren't smart enough to study what YOUR children are playing. YOU'RE just as, if not more, at fault then those who can't tell the difference between real and fake.

Current Location: At My Computer
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Bedshaped by Keane

Well, it is currently 2:15 AM (almost certain it will be later when I post this), and I cannot become tired!

Not that it matters, of course. I don't have to get up until 10. That's the joy of summer vacation. Sleeping in is always fun.

I suppose the reason I am up so late is that my midnight movies really affect me. See, I'm one of those people that watches meaningful films, not crap like Epic Movie. Tonight's selection was Casablanca, one of the greatest American films ever made. Next on my list is Goodfellas, a film by Martin Scorcese, who is one of my favorite directors.

1 week of summer vacation down, 11 weeks to go (or is it more? I forget).

Current Location: At My Computer. In My Room.
Current Mood: Insomniated
Current Music: Fluorescent Adolescent by Arctic Monkeys

And it tastes G-E-W-D GEWD.


I don't have many plans this summer. Well, aside from working, that is. I plan to make alot of money. I have myself scheduled on Tuesdays through Sundays 4 PM- Midnight. That may cut into my social life, but I doubt that I will work every night.

I've also been thinking about getting a tan this summer......

Yeah, I know. I'm a funny guy. Just trying to get a few laughs, is all.


Also, I can drive. Maybe I'll even get invited to some parties. That'd be cool.

Sorry if I'm boring the select few that actually read this.


Also, be prepared for the newest project out of a yet-to-be named film studio. It is a film version of the not-known-and-not-cared-about comic book hero....THE BLUR! If anyone wants to risk being associated with this project, drop me a line.


That's it for today. Bye!

Current Location: In My Room
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Intervention by The Arcade Fire

Wow. Long time since I've written in this! I may as well dust this off and get typin'!

So, the last two or three months have been great!. I mean, summer is almost here and all, but I'm really looking forward to being a Senior. Yes, I have been hit with Senior-itis. The worst non-existent disease that any high school student can suffer from, and I have caught it.

Socially, life has been decent. I have obtained my driver's license, and therefore am able to go out more often and stay out later. Unfortunately, I don't go out much. The old saying "all dressed up with no where to go" certainly fits with situation.

Relationship-y gets a great big huge "MEH!". I'm really wishing my last one would have worked out. I still feel as though it could, but I get the feeling she wouldn't think so. No ill will towards her at all, but I don't understand how feelings for someone could just "go away" after one date. I mean, it wasn't like I was a jerk. Quite the contrary. She said I was a complete gentleman. I guess girls just aren't into that kind of thing.

School-y is good. Chemistry is just frustrating as heck, though. Eventually I'll get it, though.

Writing-ly has been great, comic-writing wise. It's only up to my illustrator at this point. If she were to just give me the comic, I could put it up for you all to admire. I know you all want to see it.

Overall, it's good. I have a lot of "I wish this turned out better" moments, but no big deal. Who doesn't have those, right?

Current Location: In Room. Again.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: "Wrong 'Em, Boyo" by The Clash

So, I filed my taxes for the first time in the history of Christopher Sturz. Well, I didn't do it, the family accountant did. You get the idea, though.

My refund is going to be pushing $160. Not as much as I would like, but I only made about $3200 last year. Can't complain. I'll be getting a portable DVD player with my refund. Portable DVD Player+ Bus Ride To Chicago+ Snakes On A Plane= Freaking Sweet!

In other news, the best web-comic two and a half years in the making (written by yours truly, and illustrated by the incredibly talented Agatha Reitz) should be arriving very soon. When Aggie decides to post it on her LJ, then I'll post it here. It's simply titled Spicy Lemons, and describes the life journey of two college roommates whose favorite fish is, (and they'll go on and on about this for hours), the dolphin.

I'm also going to be writing another song/poem soon. I don't know the title. What I do know is that it will be the sweetest, most heart-melting love song ever. Then it gets twisted into something so obscene, even Howard Stern will have an aneurysm. Not obscene like "swearing obscene", but just the way the metaphors take a turn for the worst.


Stay tuned for the amazingness of the comic and the song. It will be grand.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor by Arctic Monkeys

After much disappointment from hearing rumors that "Pan's Labyrinth" would NOT be coming to Eau Claire, I was ecstatic to find that the London Square Cinema is, in fact, receiving it this very day! Yay! This is almost as good as going to Winter Carnival! In fact, it bypasses it entirely!

On the subject of Winter Carnival, I do believe those who say that it's better to go with friends than with a date are clearly mottled in the brain region. I always find it is nice to be with a date. Just the whole idea of a girl saying yes to you when there are hundreds of other boys in the school makes me feel warm inside. Or something to that extent.

Now, for finals! LAST DAY! Hooray! English is next (nothing for finals), then orchestra (just a playing exam), and then ASL (which is actually a real final). Should be a piece of cake. A piece of chocolate cake. With strawberry frosting. Yum.


Oh, yes. "Smokin' Aces" is also opening. Good movie choice this weekend. Not like I've got better things to do.

Current Location: School, Specifcally In The Biology Department
Current Music: Allemande by Keane

Well, this is an idea I've been running through my head as of late. It's about staying positive, no matter what. Enjoy!


Well, my alarm clock failed to wake me out of bed
So I jumped out, and landed on a sharp object
My foot turned red
Profusely bled
But hey, that's just what life is!

Yeah, I'm alright
Yeah I'll be fine
This large gash in my foot
Won't keep me from smilin'
I just keep on keepin' on
And keep my head held high

I ran out of my house
And tripped up on the curb
And I couldn't help but laugh
Then a truck came speedin' through
And ran right over my back

But I'll be alright
And I'll be fine
This broken back
Won't keep me from smilin'
I just keep on keepin' on
And keep my head held high

I peeled myself from the ground
Took a quick look around
Tripped again and fell into a pack
Of angry chipmunks....

CHIPMUNK ATTACK!

Yeah, I'll be alright
Yeah, I'll be fine
These massive head wounds, long and deep cuts, broken bones, and scratched up eyes
Won't keep me from smilin'
I just keep on keepin' on
And keep my head held high
Despite the fact...

I've lost my left eye.



Even I couldn't help but laugh while writing this. I know it's not too terribly creative, but oh well. Comments, please.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Black Tambourine

Yeah....crash and burn. 'Nuff said.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: None

In about 45 minutes, I am going to go to my place of employment to ask one of my co-workers to Winter Carnival. I am as nervous as one can possibly be, because of the fact that I don't typically ask people out face-to-face. I'm one of those cowardly people that asks over the internet.

Am I afraid of rejection? Not at all, actually. It's happened plenty of times before. But, hey, that doesn't stop me. It happens.

Just need to take a deep breath, and go through what I'm going to say in my head.

Once again, I'm nervous. Not just nervous, but really nervous. But I'm ready.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Pet Name by They Might Be Giants

Well, that time is upon us! The time when people study non-stop, sleep with textbooks under their pillows, and consume other human beings is finally here! That's right: Semester finals have arrived!

Normally, I wouldn't sweat these types of things. I mean, I'm a fairly intelligent human being. To be honest, I've never studied for a test. EVER. Yet, I pass every test.

Of course, this was before AP Chemistry. If there were school in Hell, one of the core classes would be AP Chemistry. That's how bad it is. This is the one class that I must study for, or else. I'm already on the fence with passing/failing the class.

This stress has been making me irritable as of late. It's not like me to be like this. Stress doesn't usually get to me. Then again, that was before Hell itself spat AP Chem onto my lap.

Ah, well. Semester is almost over. As soon as I get past semester finals, my grade slate gets wiped clean. I don't have to stress out again until June. Woo.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: Comment Te Dire by KYO

Within one day, I have written another poem, or song, or what have you. Not the best of my work, but it's still good, if I may say so. Here it is:


Way out west
In a tiny little chapel
Lies a library full of books
And in those books lies forbidden knowledge
With-held from me and you
Oh, these mystical tomes are called
The Books of St. Hallapaloo

With untold knoweledge
The books sit there
Mostly just collecting dust
With lots of advice on different subjects
Sitting under the Saint's bronze bust
Are the Books of St. Hallapaloo

The books have much information
And reading them would bring jubilation
To those who brave the weary-ing trials
Through the catacombs
That house the Books of St. Hallapaloo


Once again, keep your comments where I can see 'em.

Current Location: Watching TV
Current Mood: Slightly fatigued

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have yet another song for you! Once again, this is just the rough draft, and may be edited at a later date. Also, if you know any bands looking for lyrical works of art, you know where to find me. Here it is, my latest work of art:


There's a war going on
Unseen by human eyes
Between every product
That everyone buys
When no one's around
They all hit the floor
And thus begins
The Battle For The Grocery Store

"Oh how long we've been oppressed"
Said the Deli to the Dairy
"By those Produce overlords!
Let's gather an army
And draw out our swords!
For this great battle
Shall win us the Grocery Store!"

So onward they marched
Towards the Fruits and the Veggies
With bloodshed their goal
But little did our heroes know
The Produce had allies
In aisles One through Four

Oh, the battle was fought!
How terrible the wrath!
The Deli and the Dairy
Would fight to the last!
"Oh, no more war!" shouted the organic foods!
"Let's just sit here, and talk it out with words!"

But fight they did still
With no end in sight
But the Deli and the Dairy
Knew the end was nigh
For the Produce had called in the Bakery
In all of it's cupcake-y fury
It looked like the end
For ol' Deli and Dairy

But then out of nowhere
The Floral Fairy flew in
"Onward!" she cried to her flora soldiers
And up in arms came the tulips and roses
To help out our heroes
Deli and Dairy

The Battle For The Grocery Store
The greatest untold fight
Came to a sudden end
With the break of daylight
The employees looked around
At the giant mess
For what had happened the previous night
'Til this day, no one can guess



There you go. Leave your comments at the door. Thank you, much!

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: creative

Well, I'm at home by myself. Normally I'd be totally cool with that. I mean, I JUST GOT A FRIGGEN NINTENDO WII! I should be busy with that.

Today, though, I'm especially lonely. Maybe it's the fact that it's winter? That must be it. The coldness (is that a word?) and the early sunset must have a massive effect on my emotions.

The real reason, I think, is because I wanted that warm fireplace with someone special. I mean, that's what I was really looking forward to with my first relationship: Cuddling in front of a warm fire on a cold winter's night.

I know that sounds horribly cheesy and slightly un-manly, but it's the truth. That's what I was really looking forward to.

Once again, it's amazing what a certain time of the year can do to your emotions.

Current Location: Home By Myself
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Snowed Under by Keane

As 2006 closes, I would like to take a look back on the year. However, instead of boring everyone with long paragraphs, I would like to condense my look back into two lists: Best and Worst. So, come with me and look back on the 17th year of my life.

The Best:

First date
First kiss
Katie's Graduation Party (Crash Bandicoot Kart Racing on the Playstation turns incredibly vulgar)
Trip to Philadelphia/Washington, D.C.
Every new friend I've made
My 17th birthday
SNAKES ON A PLANE
New laptop
GETTING A WII
Babbling with Agatha about Heroes

The Worst:

First time crying because a girl broke my heart (Please send all of your insult mail to my Live Journal inbox. Thank you)
Being cheated on
Being called a bigot
Erupting in anger at a friend
Getting my heartbroken FOUR times



So, as you can see, the Bests outnumber the Worsts.

It is my wish to continue to become a better person in the upcoming year. With this new year, I shall be involved in several relationships, gain new friends, and enter my Senior year of high school. I am eagerly awaiting my 18th year on this planet. I am most glad, however, to enter into 2007 much wiser because of my experiences in 2006.

Good night, and good luck

Current Mood: nostalgic

There they are. Under the tree. They're sitting there, laughing at me...

Just wait 'til tomorrow, you vile wrapped boxes! That is the time you shall be ripped apart without mercy! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Current Location: Sitting At My Computer, Looking Under The Tree
Current Mood: weird

So, I guess relationships and me just aren't...OK with one another? It seems like whenever one is in my metaphorical grasp, it gets yanked away at the last minute.

I'm not saying that I am doing the ever-common "That's it! I'm finished with love!" thing that seems to be the mindset of teenagers. I mean, think about it: The average life-span is 80 years. I'm only 17. That means I have (hopefully) 63 more years in me.

Even though it seems I'm unlucky with relationships, that doesn't mean things such as the ordeal that bloomed in the last few days will get me down. It's just another way of God saying to me "Hey, man. It's alright. You're young. You've got plenty of time."

So, even though the last few days have been difficult for me to swallow, I have finally digested it. Options will always be open. I'm young. I'm intelligent. I'm fairly good-looking. And I have all the time in the world.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: They'll Need A Crane by They Might Be Giants